Smart European Appliances for American Dummies

European appliances are so smart, so ecologically advanced that Americans–to at least these two–are incapable of operating them.

The cooktop in our Paris apartment is pretty straightforward, the refrigerator is small but works and includes a vestigial freezer that makes ice in an old-fashioned tray. But the dishwasher doesn’t heat water, the washer-dryer combo left to its own devices will cook your clothes and the microwave/convention/grill is utterly undecipherable.

Europe uses on-demand water heating, so it’s not like the dishwasher needs to be hooked to the hot water. Something in the system just doesn’t work. So Lynn cleverly soaks the truly dirty dishes in hot water in the sink before putting them in the dishwasher. Primitive, but it works.

We have finally tamed the washer-dryer combo by dialing up the dry-only (séchage) command after wash-only lavage. The monster in our Barcelona apartment last summer cooked a shirt beyond repair, so we learned the hard way. Still, the machine in our tiny Paris garret offers no fewer than 14 options. We use one setting for towels and the lowest setting for clothing, lest we fry more shirts. Lynn feels like she has mastered the monster.

Meanwhile, the multi-multi-purpose microwave defies all comprehension. We have finally figured out–sort of–how to dial up microwave cooking, but that’s the extent of our learning curve. Oddly, all the buttons are in French, except for the one that says “Stop.” Big help there–all you need to do is open the door to stop this or any microwave.

There is, however, one button that seems to make things happen. It says “arrete+1,” which means “stop” but it actually runs the microwave for one minute at a time. Good enough for us. We press a couple of buttons, turn the dial a little, then hit the magic button. It starts the machine for one minute, we check the food, then run it for another minute until the food is cooked or at least hot. We’re so smart.

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